Nursing Home Adjustment contd.

Helping Make the Nursing Home Adjustment

First of all, keep the lines of communication open. One way for people to deal with grief is to keep talking about their losses. Let them know that it’s safe to talk to you. Be patient, even if you feel that they're being repetitive.

Don’t judge them, we all deal with grief in different ways and for different lengths of time.

Encourage them to talk about their feelings. When you find out what is troubling them, you can help alleviate their concerns. For example, if they think that you won’t visit, give them a schedule of dates that you’ll visit so that they can look forward to it (and then be sure to stick to it!).

Encourage them to talk about their fears. For example, are they worried that they won't have make any friends in the nursing home?  Perhaps they're concerned that they'll have to give up all of their hobbies, be it fishing, gardening, walking or just playing chess? Check to see if there are similar nursing home activities that they can be part of.  If none are available, arrange to take them out of the home in order to pursue a particular interest.

If they are concerned because they've had to give away their pet, try to reassure them about the arrangements. If it's at all possible for you to take care of the pet yourself then you could take photos of it and make arrangements for them to come and visit the pet to see for themselves that it's being well taken care of.

When preparing to move to the nursing home, be sure to pack any special belongings such as a couple of pictures, a favorite bed spread or quilt, and other personal items that will make the nursing home feel more like home.

Be sure to switch over magazine subscriptions and immediately notify friends and relatives of the new address so that they know where to reach them by mail.

If it's a particular routine or habit that they enjoy, try to accomodate it. That way they won't feel quite so disorientated.

In short, try to create an environment as close to home as you possibly can. That way the transition will be easier and less daunting. 

In spite of doing all of this you may still see them getting depressed. Signs of depression include prolonged eating and sleeping disturbances, crying, sadness, withdrawing from friends and family, helplessness, unable to concentrate, reduced hygiene, etc.

Although this is normal in times of grief, if the symptoms persist – or if they start talking about ending it all- seek professional help immediately. It's a good idea to talk to the nursing home staff and a social worker if available, as they are trained to deal with these sorts of situations.

Above all, be honest with them. If there is very little chance they’ll ever be able to come home, tell them.  It may be hard but it's better that they know, that way they won't keep building their hopes up only to see them dashed again and again. At the same time, assure them that if they really don't like a particular nursing home and after giving it a fair trial, you’ll try to find them a nursing home that's better suited.

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