Nursing Home Objections contd.

Discover why your loved one is objecting to a Nursing Home

Is he or she:

* Concerned about the cost?

* Worried about his or her house and belongings?

* Worried about leaving friends and family?

* Feeling like going to a nursing home makes him/her a "welfare/charity" case?

* Feeling like a nursing home is where you "dump" people?

* In denial or refusing to admit he/she has a problem and needs help?

* Feeling like the whole procedure (from paperwork to moving) is overwhelming?

* Upset about having to give up a pet?

* Upset about having to give up certain freedoms?

* Have other preconceived notions about a nursing home facility being where people "fade away?"

These are just a few reasons and perceptions, but it certainly isn’t an exhaustive list.

Your need to work out why your loved one is refusing help, and what preconceptions he or she has about a nursing home. Only then can you begin to address these concerns.

For example, if your loved one is worried about the financial costs, you can discuss the many alternatives out there like long term care insurance and Medicare.

If your loved one is worried about leaving friends and family behind, assure her that you will visit often – and that you will choose a nursing home that is close to her current community so that it’s easy for other friends and family to come visit.

This is one reason why it’s good to start discussing the idea before you actually need to take action. It gives the whole family and the elderly person concerned, time to contemplate and get used to the idea.

It’s also easier if you can avoid a nursing home until it’s the last resort. That way you’re only making very small changes to their lifestyle which will give your loved one time to accept the fact that maybe they aren’t as independent as they thought they were.

For example, if you're worried about their eating habits, such as not being able to cook properly for themselves, or if you're worried that they're not cooking at all for fear of the cost of the gas/electric, you could take advantage of a community service such as Meals on Wheels. Later on you may just start popping by once a week to maybe give the house a bit of a clean and do any washing and ironing. There's always a halfway option of either moving your elderly relative in with you, at least for a short time, or you could suggest that they go to an assisted living facility where they’ll receive help whilst still maintaining some degree of independent living. In short, take it one step at a time.

Try to avoid placing "blame" on the loved one (for example, by saying things like, "you can’t even cook for yourself any more!"). Instead, focus the conversation on you (for example, "I’m concerned that you’re not ________.").

As mentioned before, give your loved one as much input as possible. The more in-control they feel regarding these decisions, they better they’ll adapt.

Finally, make sure your loved one knows that nothing is permanent. Ask them to "try it out" for a few weeks or a month before making a final decision. That way they won’t feel as trapped into any decisions that you make with them regarding their long term care.

Nursing Home Decision

What is a Nursing Home

The Right Time for a Nursing Home

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